Housewife - Anne Sexton
Some women marry houses.
It’s another kind of skin; it has a heart,
a mouth, a liver and bowel movements.
The walls are permanent and pink.
See how she sits on her knees all day,
faithfully washing herself down.
Men enter by force, drawn back like Jonah
into their fleshy mothers.
A woman is her mother.
That’s the main thing.
Well, what an absolutely non-surprising article. Perhaps the reason that women feel “relieved, liberated and happy” after a divorce is because they actually are liberated and free. Marriage remains a patriarchal institution wherein, more often than not, women become frustrated and depressed. I have no doubt that there possibly are some out there, but I have never known a marriage of equals. It is an outdated tradition that kills the love and respect within relationships, by forcing people into restrictive gender roles.
So, yes - I can imagine that most women would feel liberated after a divorce.
This reminded me of my own useless father.
When I was about seven, I seem to recall a certain degree of glamour connected to those kids whose parents were divorced. I mean, two bedrooms? Extra fun step-mums and step-dads? Weekends away? How lucky! Then it went and happened to me and, obviously, it wasn’t the ‘cool’ experience that I thought it would be. Dad drifted from place to place, the £30 a week maintence money that my mom was supposed to recieve each week for three children soon stopped (£10 a child. Surely there is something very wrong with that?), as did the weekends away. Plus, it wasn’t even as though the exclusive Lost Children Of Divorcees Club was that exclusive anymore. Suddenly, it seemed as though everyone in Year Five had mommies and daddies who didn’t live together.
So it became the norm. I’m not going to lie and say “Single parent families are like non-stop parties!” - we all know it’s hard. Although, at the time I was rather oblivious to just how difficult my mother found it at times. But, as corny as it sounds, it was almost like a team effort - all of us working together to make life easier and more fun.
Now I look at families where the parents are still married and living together after about twenty years and - god - do they hate each other. Obviously, I am sure that some people stayed together and lived happily ever after - but, from looking around me, all I see is resentment amongst long-term husbands and wives. And I know children (and many adult children) secretly wishing that their parents had just divorced years ago, without using the ugly justification of “we’re staying together for the kids”. What a cruel thing to say. This is not the 1950s. Children are no longer valid scapegoats for staying in horrible relationships.
And what does this teach these kids? That marriage is a binding contract and that no matter how unhappy you are you are obliged to stay put, whether you like it or not? All around me I see young girls and women follwing the poor examples of their mothers by marrying into relationships which they are not even slightly comfortable in or sure about.
My own mother is incredibly independent, outspoken and intelligent - therefore I have grown to be a similar person. Divorce is not a nice thing, but surely the alternative - staying in a damaging relationship - is more dangerous to all parties concerned?
